Monday, December 15, 2008
I graduated on Saturday!
WH08P! (its an aggie thing)
.............right? isn't thats how Im supposed to feel?
Shouldn't I want to throw my cap and take off running?
Running until I can't run anymore? I have the world to make mine.
Shouldn't I feel exhilarated wanting to conquer anything and everything?
Why then do I feel....over-emotioned?
Its not that I don't feel anything. I think I am just feeling too many things to decipher any of them. So that is why I am going to go with the term "over-emotioned".
I feel excited, sad, sentimental, proud, not sentimental, scared, broke, uneasy, adventurous, complete, in complete, empty, satisfied, unsatisfied, hopeful.
GEEZ! After looking at those, most are negative. Thats expected right?
I sat in my cap and gown on the floor of Reed Arena Saturday waiting patiently for my name to be called and for that moment that I would officially graduate. I felt nervous/anxious. Kind of like how I feel on New Years Eve. Like I only have x amount of time left in 2008 I need to do something to make it grand. The same thing happened on Saturday. I thought to myself "I only have x amount of time as a college student! Hurry up and make the most of your remaining minutes!"
Guess what I did in my final minutes. I sat there. I sat there and did nothing. Because that is what you are supposed to do on graduation. I had 4 1/2 years to make college grand. I had 4 1/2 years to live laugh and love. I had 4 1/2 years to make memories and mistakes. I had 4 1/2 years to live life in transition mode. I had 4 1/2 years to learn everything I was supposed to, to prepare me for this moment.....and in my final minutes as a college student I did what I was supposed to do. Sit there.
I sat there looking at Texas A&M's seal (or crest or whatever it is) hanging front and center above the podium. I have looked at it a thousand times, but I saw it in a different light. Not only did I notice little things, like the vines on either side of the star are completely different, but that I felt pride. I felt proud to be graduating from Texas A&M University. No longer was I proud to be a fightin' Texas Aggie class of 2008....I was proud to now be a member of The Association of Former Students, the greatest network of alumni in the world! :)
So I sat there in my last few minutes as a college student anxiously sitting patiently with only my thoughts to entertain me. Memories starting freshman year played like a movie trailer on speed. I covered the most memorable events from years 18-22 in about 5 minutes flat.
So now what? I crossed that stage. The line between irresponsible adult and responsible adult. And now I don't know what to do or feel. Seriously, they should set up some exit counseling or something!
I have been thrown into this world like I've been pushed off a moving train. Stumbling to my feet and trying to catch my breath. What if I wasn't ready for it? Ok? I need a "one, two, three, JUMP!" NOT a shove without warning!
I guess you could say that my whole college career has been baby steps toward the inevitable. But ever since England I feel like my life has been stuck in fast forward! I needed time to catch my breath.
That is why I think I feel so "over-emotioned"
What's next? I'll update you once I figure that out....
One thing is for sure, I'm getting the heck out of Dallas!