Monday, December 15, 2008

The Graduate

I graduated on Saturday!
WH08P! (its an aggie thing)

.............right? isn't thats how Im supposed to feel?
Shouldn't I want to throw my cap and take off running?
Running until I can't run anymore? I have the world to make mine.
Shouldn't I feel exhilarated wanting to conquer anything and everything?

Why then do I feel....over-emotioned?
Its not that I don't feel anything. I think I am just feeling too many things to decipher any of them. So that is why I am going to go with the term "over-emotioned".
I feel excited, sad, sentimental, proud, not sentimental, scared, broke, uneasy, adventurous, complete, in complete, empty, satisfied, unsatisfied, hopeful.

GEEZ! After looking at those, most are negative. Thats expected right?

I sat in my cap and gown on the floor of Reed Arena Saturday waiting patiently for my name to be called and for that moment that I would officially graduate. I felt nervous/anxious. Kind of like how I feel on New Years Eve. Like I only have x amount of time left in 2008 I need to do something to make it grand. The same thing happened on Saturday. I thought to myself "I only have x amount of time as a college student! Hurry up and make the most of your remaining minutes!"
Guess what I did in my final minutes. I sat there. I sat there and did nothing. Because that is what you are supposed to do on graduation. I had 4 1/2 years to make college grand. I had 4 1/2 years to live laugh and love. I had 4 1/2 years to make memories and mistakes. I had 4 1/2 years to live life in transition mode. I had 4 1/2 years to learn everything I was supposed to, to prepare me for this moment.....and in my final minutes as a college student I did what I was supposed to do. Sit there.

I sat there looking at Texas A&M's seal (or crest or whatever it is) hanging front and center above the podium. I have looked at it a thousand times, but I saw it in a different light. Not only did I notice little things, like the vines on either side of the star are completely different, but that I felt pride. I felt proud to be graduating from Texas A&M University. No longer was I proud to be a fightin' Texas Aggie class of 2008....I was proud to now be a member of The Association of Former Students, the greatest network of alumni in the world! :)

So I sat there in my last few minutes as a college student anxiously sitting patiently with only my thoughts to entertain me. Memories starting freshman year played like a movie trailer on speed. I covered the most memorable events from years 18-22 in about 5 minutes flat.

So now what? I crossed that stage. The line between irresponsible adult and responsible adult. And now I don't know what to do or feel. Seriously, they should set up some exit counseling or something!
I have been thrown into this world like I've been pushed off a moving train. Stumbling to my feet and trying to catch my breath. What if I wasn't ready for it? Ok? I need a "one, two, three, JUMP!" NOT a shove without warning!
I guess you could say that my whole college career has been baby steps toward the inevitable. But ever since England I feel like my life has been stuck in fast forward! I needed time to catch my breath.
That is why I think I feel so "over-emotioned"

What's next? I'll update you once I figure that out....
One thing is for sure, I'm getting the heck out of Dallas!

1 comment:

1tripz1 said...

I felt/feel EXACTLY the same after graduating. I mean its such a significant moment, and whenever you see people graduate on TV they look so happy, Isn't that how were supposed to feel?!

My mother put things in perspective when she said im in mourning, leaving education is a huge thing.

All i can say right now is that your not the only person going through this, and wont be the last. every successful post-graduate has had these feelings and its no doubt just another life experience.

Take care!