Monday, August 2, 2010
La Beast goes to Boot Camp
Back to work. Is it that time already? I know I shouldn't complain. I do realize that I am one of very few professions that get a consecutive two month holiday. However, the alarm this morning couldn't have sounded more like death calling. It could have been the 4:45 am wake up call for boot camp but I think it was the reality of going back to work after boot camp that left me cursing my alarm. Not even Michael Buble blaring from the stereo could pump this girl up.
Boot camp was a laugh. It was my first time at this specific bootcamp and boy did we have fun. Usually "fun" and "bootcamp" don't belong in the same sentence but Camp Gladiator can make it happen. Instead of running hills we run around and play games. Attractive trainer tells the group the game rules. We would split into two teams, the "even" numbers would run aimlessly around the parking lot knocking down any orange cone. "Odd" numbers would also run aimlessly around the parking lot trying to set the knocked over cones back upright. The team with the most amount of cones in their favor wins.
I look around to see if anyone else got the joke. No one seemed to notice and I think to myself, "This is a mistake". I might have even said it out loud...yeah im pretty sure I also said it out loud.
Can someone please tell me what outside looks like at 5:30 am? If your response is "very dark" you earn a gold star. Yes, 45-50 adults are sprinting any which way they want... in the dark.
So here I am darting and dodging, knocking over every cone I come into contact with like a beast when along comes another beast like character. This beast like character was headed straight for me. It was one of those things where you KNOW whats about to happen but there is not a single thing you can do about it but pray the outcome isn't as bad as it is in your head.
This character could equivalent the size of a T-rex when in comparison to my mouse-like figure. I must give T-Rex some credit. There is no way one huge dinosaur like himself could see a tiny little mouse like me especially in the darkness of 5:30 am. So T-rex and my mouse-sized self sprint into each other chest to chest. Those of you with previous knowledge on force and motion can understand the next series of events.
Whats that Newtons Law again? "A mouse in motion likes to stay in motion UNTIL PLOWED OVER BY A T-REX" yeah..something like that.
Before I know it my chest aches like a piano landed on it from a 20 story building and im sprung backward like I bounced off a trampoline. My natural reaction is to spread all limbs as wide as possible in order to form a perfect X with my body. Apparently, I like to cover the most surface area as I can when falling to my death by a T-rex. Its funny how mice react in time of danger.
However, this would come in handy when ravenous T-rex turned hero and was able to grab hold of my tiny arms as he mowed over me, thus preventing a traumatic head injury.
I finish my wingless flight south with an abrupt hit to the asphalt, a girly mouse-like shriek and my eyes squeezed air tight. Having landed on my back I finally open my eyes to T-rex's crotch. Are you kidding me? This is worse than I had imagined! I did not expect this outcome. His T-rex killer sneakers were on either side of my head, his left arm propping up his body above my head and his right arm entangled in mine.
I shake my head side to side and spit "rocks and dirt" out of my mouth. At least thats what I pretended I was doing but really it was a spit of disgust.
"Are you ok?" T-Rex suddenly tries to become angelic. Its not working
He pulls me to my feet. I grab my neck.
"Hows your neck?"
"It's ok." I smile politely. "I'm fine. Dont worry about it. See ya!" and I bolt off into the wind.
The thing is my neck really did hurt....and still does.
If this messes me up for life I blame T-Rex, or that attractive trainer of mine who thought this game was a good idea.